To Have and to Hold

A clinical psychologist's exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood
When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she was not prepared for—and what she did not expect—was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being. And though she had the benefit of a supportive husband during this transition, she also envied and at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison.
As a clinical psychologist, Molly knew her experience was a normal response to a life-changing event. But without the benefit of such a perspective, many of the patients she treated in her private practice grappled with guilt, self-doubt, and fear, and suffered the dual pain of not only the struggle to adjust but also the overwhelming shame for struggling at all.
In To Have and to Hold, Molly surveys the complex terrain of new motherhood, exploring the ways it affects women psychologically, emotionally, physically, and professionally—as well as how it impacts their partnerships. Along with the arrival of a bundle of joy comes thorny issues such as self-worth, control, autonomy, and dependency. And these issues are most often experienced within the context of an intimate relationship, adding another layer of complication, conflict, and confusion to an already challenging time.
As Molly examines the inextricable link between women's well-being as new mothers and the well-being of their relationships, she offers guidance to help readers reclaim their identities, release their guilt and shame, and repair their relationships. A blend of personal narrative, scientific research, and stories from Molly's clinical practice, To Have and to Hold provides a much-needed lifeline to new mothers everywhere.

Dr. Molly Millwood holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology with advanced specialized training in marital therapy and intimate relationships. After completing a post-doctoral fellowship at Stanford, Dr. Millwood joined the faculty of Saint Michael's College in Vermont where she is now a tenured professor and clinical supervisor. She teaches a course in marital therapy to graduate students earning their master's degrees in clinical psychology, and her popular undergraduate course, The Psychology of Marriage & Relationships. She has published research articles on marital distress in peer-reviewed scientific journals and has presented her work at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association and other national conferences. Dr. Millwood is also a licensed psychologist in private practice where she is particularly known for her work with couples and with women navigating the transition to parenthood. She was a founding member of Vermont's Postpartum Wellness Project, a community-based initiative to promote mental and physical wellness in new mothers through the services of a multidisciplinary team of practitioners. She lives in Vermont with her husband and two young children.