DADDY STOP TALKING PB

Adam Carolla lays down the law on modern parenthood
LAST WILL & TESTAMENT OF Adam Carolla
I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.)
Article I
I appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool “graduation” and PTA meeting.
Article II
To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading “Get a job. I'm dead,” and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our house, cars, dog, and kids.
Article IIII devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: “You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy.”

Adam Carolla is the author of the New York Times bestsellers In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks, Not Taco Bell Material, and President Me, as well as a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. Carolla is well known as the cohost of the syndicated radio and MTV show Loveline, the cocreator and star of The Man Show and Crank Yankers, and a contestant on Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Apprentice. He currently hosts Catch a Contractor and The Adam Carolla Show, which is the Guinness World Record holder for Most Downloaded Podcast and is available on iTunes and AdamCarolla.com.